If your marriage is on the rocks, it can be challenging to know whether you should devote your efforts to saving it – or whether it is beyond saving and you should file for divorce. It’s a huge, life-altering decision to make. While some marriages can be saved through couples therapy and working on your issues, others either cannot be saved or are not worth the effort to even try to save. 

If you’re considering getting a divorce, it’s good to know the pros and cons of such a huge decision. Divorce may not be right for you – or it could be the very thing that sets you free and allows you to reclaim your life. It’s important to take your time when considering divorce, and if you are serious about it, to seek the consult of a divorce attorney sooner rather than later to ensure that the process is as painless as possible. 

Pros Of Getting A Divorce

#1. You Can Get Out Of A Toxic Relationship

Whether your marriage is bad because of abuse or because you simply are not right for each other, divorce gives you the chance to set yourself free.

#2. You Can Be Happier

If your marriage is destroying your happiness and it feels like it’s not worth the effort to fix it, getting a divorce can restore your happiness.

#3. You Can Enjoy Freedom

When you’re married, you have to communicate with your spouse and the things you can do can be limited by them. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to move, but you’re stuck in this city you hate because your spouse doesn’t want to move. Getting a divorce gives you the freedom to do what you want with your life.

#4. Your Money Is Your Own

No more arguing with your spouse about money or their financial habits or having to worry about their debts. Your money is yours to do what you want with. This can also be a con of getting a divorce, because your money is yours and you have to deal with your own financial situations. But for many, this part of getting a divorce can be quite a relief.

#5. You Can Date New People

Some people have open marriages, but most people prefer monogamy. If you no longer love your spouse, getting a divorce allows you to date new people and potentially find a better fit.

#6. You Can Reconnect With People

Be it friends, family, or children, your spouse and your tenuous relationship may be impacting other relationships in your life. Getting a divorce may help improve relationships by taking away some tension (or a controlling partner) and allowing you to focus on other people.

Cons Of Getting A Divorce

While there are many pros to getting a divorce, there are cons too. Prior to getting a divorce, you should ensure that this is something you truly want and that you’ve tried everything you can to save your marriage. You don’t want to get a divorce and end up regretting it, after all. 

#1. Divorce Is Expensive

This is especially true in the case of contested divorces. Divorces can cost thousands, if not tens of thousands of dollars. This can make it very difficult for some people to be able to afford divorce.

#2. Friends And Family Picking Sides

As great as it would be for your loved ones to all be on your side, this isn’t always the case. Getting a divorce can result in tension outside of your marriage as friends and family take your spouse’s side over your own.

#3. You Have To Figure Out Life On Your Own

Getting a divorce often involves many life changes, from finding a new place to live to managing finances on your own and more. This can be very stressful and difficult, even if you have friends and family helping you out.

#4. Your Money Is Your Own

As mentioned before, while your money being your own can be a pro to getting a divorce, it can also be a significant con if you make significantly less than your spouse or if you have a lot of debts.

#5. You Are Alone

While getting a divorce frees you up to be able to date other people, many people often find it hard to adjust to doing things on their own. Even if you didn’t like your spouse and your marriage was bad, it can be challenging and lonely to come home to an empty house. However, this is not always the case. Many people find it a massive relief and freedom to no longer have their spouse around after getting a divorce.

#6. You Have To Figure Out Custody

If you and your spouse have children, custody arrangements are a very challenging part of getting a divorce. The court generally has the children’s best interest at heart, but having to keep your ex in your life for your children’s sake can be the opposite of what you want. 

Further Reading About Divorce

Still on the fence about getting a divorce? It’s a huge decision, so take as much time as you need before pursuing any sort of action. If you would like to read more about divorce and what happens in certain divorce cases, check out our previous blogs on the subject.

• The Top 5 Reasons For Divorce
• Should You Get A Divorce? 7 Warning Signs To Watch Out For
• Infidelity In A Divorce Case: 7 Important Questions Answered
• What Happens In A Divorce With Domestic Violence?
• Codependency And Settling For Less In A Divorce Case: What You Need To Know
• How To Move With Kids After A Divorce

Are You Ready To Get A Divorce?

Contact the divorce attorneys here at Kaufman, Nichols, and Kaufman sooner rather than later. We are here to ensure that you are fairly represented throughout the process so that it goes as smoothly as possible. Whether it’s a contested or uncontested divorce or there are complications like trying to figure out custody, our experienced attorneys are here for you.

Social media has become so commonplace, that most people have a social media account of some sort, marketing firms recommend their clients make social media accounts if they don’t already have them, and people make careers off of it. However, with the skyrocketing popularity of social media comes increased risk of cyberstalking. 

Divorce is hard enough without having to worry about cyberstalking. However, in our increasingly online world, it’s important to understand what cyberstalking is so that you know how it can affect your divorce, whether you’re a victim of it, or whether you are unintentionally cyberstalking your spouse. If you’re going through a divorce, it’s important to talk to your attorney about cyberstalking to both keep yourself safe and to ensure that you’re not sabotaging yourself. 

What Is Cyberstalking?

People throw out the term “cyberstalking” very casually, which can make people struggle to understand precisely what cyberstalking entails. Perhaps one of your friends is going on a date, so your friend group decides to “cyber stalk” their date in order to see what they’re like. This singular instance of checking someone’s socials in order to ensure that they seem safe and like a good fit for your friend does not count as cyberstalking – otherwise jobs that check your social media before inviting you to interview would also be guilty of cyberstalking you. 

Stalking is a continuous process in which the stalker repeatedly, unwantedly, and disruptively intrudes upon their victim’s life. Cyberstalking is generally understood as using the Internet in order to stalk someone. Stalking is a crime in all 50 states, and cyberstalking can fall under stalking laws. It can be charged as either a misdemeanor or a felony. 

Examples Of Cyberstalking

Cyberstalking is essentially a type of cyberbullying in which the stalker spies on the other person. They go through the person’s social media, that of their friends and family, and use the internet in order to intimidate, harass, embarrass, or threaten another person.  It can also include monitoring, identity theft, false accusations to damage your reputation, defamation, libel, slander, doxing, blackmail, and more. These interactions typically don’t end even if the person being stalked asks the stalker to stop. 

Cyberstalking often goes hand-in-hand with real-life stalking. Both are criminal offenses and can result in restraining orders, domestic violence charges, probation, and criminal penalties. If you are going through a divorce, cyberstalking can be used against the person doing it in custody hearings. 

Should You Check Your Ex’s Social Media During Divorce?

It may be tempting to check your spouse’s social media accounts during the divorce process. You may want to know what they’re up to or whether they are posting anything about you or the divorce. However, if you find yourself continually checking your spouse’s accounts, you may be guilty of cyberstalking. 

If your spouse is posting things that could be helpful to your divorce case, such as expensive purchases even as they claim that they have no assets, talk to your attorney. When a spouse uses information they find online to threaten, embarrass, intimidate, or harass their partner, they can cross the line into cyberstalking. Your attorney will determine how best to gather digital evidence to support your case and advise you on what you can do in order to avoid cyberstalking.

Additionally, checking your spouse’s social media accounts or posting about them or the divorce can not only hurt your case, it also keeps you from moving on and is bad for your mental health. In order to start the healing process, it’s best to avoid keeping tabs on your ex. 

What Should You Do If Your Ex Is Cyberstalking You?

If your spouse is breaking into your account, sending you nasty messages, repeatedly contacts you even when you ask them not to, and otherwise cyberstalk you, you can take legal action against them. Talk to your attorney about options available to you. Your attorney will help you protect yourself and advise you on how best to handle the situation.

Leave the talking to your attorney, as you could hurt your case and end up adding fuel to the fire by arguing with your spouse. If it’s possible to block and ignore them, do so. You must also be careful to keep your behavior in check, as you don’t want something you say or do to hurt you in the divorce proceedings.

Make sure you keep a record of messages, emails, voicemails, and the like to show your attorney. Remember that defamation, slander, sharing intimate photos, threats, and the like can be considered domestic violence. 

If you are being cyberstalked in a divorce case, the best thing you can do is talk to your attorney about the options available to you. They will be able to help you with your unique situation. 

Do You Want To Divorce Your Spouse?

Kaufman, Nichols, & Kaufman is here to help you throughout the divorce process. Contact us today to schedule a consultation and let us help you make the divorce process as easy as possible. 

In our previous blog, The Top 5 Reasons For Divorce, we discussed just that. Said top 5 reasons for divorce are infidelity, irreconcilable differences, financial issues, lack of communication, and lack of commitment. However, it can be difficult for people to know whether or not they should try to move past something or whether enough is enough and they should get a divorce. 

Ultimately, whether or not you decide to get a divorce is up to you. Every couple is different. While for some, cheating is immediate cause for ending a relationship, for others, they’re able to move past infidelity. If you want to try to save your marriage, you may try couples counseling or something else to understand each other better and reignite the spark.

However, sometimes, enough is enough. If you do decide to get a divorce, it’s important to ensure that you hire an experienced divorce attorney who ensures a fair settlement. 

Signs You May Want To Get A Divorce

If you’re considering whether to get a divorce, it’s up to you whether or not to put in the effort to try to save the relationship. However, if you’ve had conversations with your spouse about your concerns, made efforts to reignite the spark, and the like, and it’s still not working, it may be time to get in contact with a divorce attorney.

Here are some signs you may want to get a divorce. If your marriage involves abuse of any sort – sexual, physical, emotional, financial, etc – it’s important to seek help. 

#1. You’re Falling Victim To The Sunk Cost Fallacy

The sunk cost fallacy is the tendency to continue something you’ve invested time, money, and/or effort into, even if the costs outweigh the benefits. You’re “sinking” more time, money, and/or effort into something because you’ve already “sunk” so much into it, rather than focusing on future costs and benefits and how this is hurting your current and future self.

This is applicable to many areas of life, from sitting through a movie you hate because you bought the tickets to staying in a relationship long past when it should have ended.

Many people stay in relationships because the relationship has already lasted X amount of time. They don’t want that time to be “a waste”. People are more likely to stay in relationships that have lasted a fair amount of time and that they’ve put effort into. They want to get their money’s worth, so to speak.

However, investing more time and effort won’t resolve issues that you have over and over and over. If you find yourself constantly fighting about the same things and complaining about the same things, this indicates an unwillingness to change – and a relationship that likely is not worth further time or effort. 

#2. You Don’t Even Like Your Spouse – Or Who You Are With Them

If you don’t even like your spouse, this is likely a sign that you should get a divorce. Every relationship has its ups and downs, and there are bound to be times where you’re annoyed by your spouse and you have your fights. However, if you genuinely do not even like them anymore, they aren’t fulfilling your needs, and this lasts for longer than a short period of time… It’s probably time to get a divorce.

On the same page as this, perhaps you no longer like who you are when you’re with your spouse. You feel like your spouse brings out the worst in you and like you’re your best self when they’re not around. Your spouse should make you feel comfortable to be completely yourself and push you to be the best version of yourself. However, if you don’t like them and/or you don’t like yourself with them, you may want to get a divorce. 

#3. You’re Doing All The Sacrificing

Relationships are a matter of give and take. Sacrifice is a normal part of any relationship and part of how you show your love and commitment. Relationships are seldom equal all the time, as if one of you is going through something challenging, you’ll need more support than normal then. Making sacrifices and compromises are part of any relationship – however, if you’re the one making all the sacrifices and compromising on the things you want and like, this creates a power imbalance.

It’s one thing to agree to see a movie you’re not that interested in because you know your spouse really wants to. It’s another to constantly give up the things you want without anything in return. This is especially true when it comes to big sacrifices, like moving somewhere you don’t want to because your spouse did. 

Little sacrifices, like what show you watch together, can become a common occurrence, so that you two are always doing what your spouse prefers and never what you want. If you put your foot down and insist on doing something you want for once and your spouse complains the entire time, this makes the unhappiness and resentment even worse. 

As with all of these signs, talk to your spouse about the issue. They may not even be aware that it’s happening and assume that you two are far more similar than you actually are. However, if it’s a consistent problem that never changes, this could be a sign that you should get a divorce. 

#4. You Cannot Trust Them

When people talk about trust in relationships, they’re usually referring to whether you can trust them not to cheat on you. This is important, but there’s more to trust than this. You should be able to trust them to be there for you when they say they will, to do the things they say they will, to have your back, to tell you the truth, and so on and so forth.

If you cannot trust your partner, this quickly breeds resentment. You shouldn’t have to question whether or not they’ll actually do what they said they would or whether they are lying or cheating on you. Trust is an essential component of marriage, and if yours doesn’t have it no matter how you’ve tried to rebuild it, it may be time to get a divorce. 

#5. You No Longer Care To Put In Effort

Love is something that takes work. In order to get through the periods where your spouse is frustrating you, it takes work. It takes work to sort out issues and to ensure that you are both meeting each other’s needs.

However, if you no longer care to do this or trying to takes way too much effort, you may consider whether it’s time to get a divorce. If you’re too worn down to ask for what you need, you don’t particularly care to ask about your spouse’s day or make an effort to do something together, and the like, these are all signs that the fire has died.

#6. You’ve Grown Apart

Did your spouse used to be the first person you’d want to talk about things with, but now, you would rather talk to someone else? Do you not want to share your interests or about your day anymore, or ask them about theirs? 

Everyone changes. Perhaps you and your spouse were perfect for each other when you got married, but now, you’re two entirely different people and you’d be better off if you get a divorce. 

#7. You Don’t Agree On Major Values

You should talk about things like politics, religion, whether or not you want kids, financial situations and habits, and other such major factors prior to getting married, but many couples don’t. 

While some people can agree to disagree, when it comes to major factors like this, they can end marriages – or cause one spouse to have to compromise on their values to make it work, making said spouse deeply unhappy. For instance, if your spouse really wants kids but you’ve never wanted them, there’s no way to resolve that in a way that makes you both happy. You’d both be better off divorcing and finding someone else who shares your values. 

Additional Considerations For Getting A Divorce

The above are all examples of factors that may lead to the end of a relationship, regardless of whether or not you are married. When it comes to divorce, it’s important to know if there are any legally relevant grounds for divorce in your relationship. While Utah is a no-fault state, which means that you don’t have to prove that one spouse is at fault for the marriage falling apart, some of these legally relevant grounds include:

• Infidelity
• Willful desertion for more than one year
• Willful neglect
• Habitual drunkenness
• Conviction for a felony
• Cruel treatment, such as bodily injury or significant mental distress
• Incurable insanity
• Living separately for 3+ years without cohabitation
• And more

Your divorce attorney will go over the factors involved in your divorce in order to ensure that you get the decision you deserve. The sooner you consult with an attorney, the better, as they will be able to assist you with factors like financial planning, strategic planning, child custody, trial, and more.

Do You Want To Get A Divorce In The State Of Utah?

Kaufman, Nichols, & Kaufman is here to represent you in your divorce. Whether you are dealing with a contested divorce, an uncontested divorce, a no-fault divorce, a complex divorce, an annulment, or other such issues, our experienced attorneys help our clients get the decision they deserve. We take pride in making the divorce process as smooth as possible for our clients. Contact us today to schedule a consultation.