For married partners with kids, saying goodbye to all ties with your ex after a divorce is not possible. Many couples determine they both want visitation and custody of their children from the marriage which will cause both parties to work together. Co-parenting can be difficult after a long divorce or when your partner has unresolved mental health issues.
If you have recently gone through a divorce, you may be looking for tips on how to navigate a co-parent relationship effectively. Here are some aspects to consider when you are working to co-parent with a divorced partner.
1- Use Technology For Communication
Clear communication is key when you are going through a divorce, but sometimes co-parenting with an ex can make it hard to communicate effectively. Using technology can help parents find a common space to talk calmly about their children’s needs. Technology like phone calls, texts, social media messages, emails, or parenting apps will help co-parents stay on the same page while children are apart from them. These methods can help everyone stay on schedule while helping the other parent still feel involved in their child’s big moments.
2- Establish Routines And Schedules
Children thrive on schedules, so even if you are going through a divorce sticking to a routine as a co-parent can be in the best interest of the children. Routines and schedules like school, after-school activities, regular family gatherings, and holiday traditions are things that you should do your best to keep similar or the same after your divorce. Traditions and routines may change during a divorce, so finding a new routine that helps children feel secure is the next best option.
3- Keep Children Out Of Conflicts
For divorcing parties, it may be hard to completely rid yourself of bitterness or resentment toward the other person. Keeping children out of these conversations and letting them form their own opinions about their parents is important. When you are co-parenting, never use your kids as messengers or talk to them about your issues with your ex. Talking badly about your ex-spouse or alienating children from your spouse are not effective methods of co-parenting. Creating more conflict makes the path to a new normal with different schedules and routines much harder.
4- Put Your Child First
Your focus should always be on the children and every decision you make should have the children’s safety in mind. When you and your ex are discussing visitation, children’s activities, holidays, or introducing new people to your children, keep in mind how this will affect them. Children are very vulnerable and smart, so changes or new partners may cause them to struggle emotionally or physically.
5- Seek Professional Help When Needed
Navigating a divorce and the challenges of co-parenting are mentally taxing. These tasks can take a toll on your mental and physical health and alter the way you may react in specific situations. Meeting with a therapist for yourself could help you better manage the stress of co-parenting. Discussing your emotions or trauma with children is not a good idea, so a therapist can help you work through this in a healthy environment. Keeping these emotions from your children will give them space to learn about their own emotions and feelings about the divorce.
If you and your ex have issues agreeing on custody or boundaries, you may need to involve a lawyer as well. Professionals in any industry can provide an unbiased perspective during co-parenting.
Additional Tips For Co-Parenting
There are many different factors that can affect your co-parenting journey. Here are some additional small tips to help make the transition smoother.
- Don’t overshare or process your emotions with your child
- Don’t press children for information
- Maintain your own relationship with the child
- Be on time
- Don’t limit conversations or phone time with the other parent
- Share good memories, but don’t live in the past
- Befriend other divorced families or join a support group
- Don’t use your children to fill your need for companionship
Divorce Help From Kaufman, Nichols & Kaufman
Our lawyers work with people of all backgrounds to help them navigate family matters. KNK is a family lawyer who focuses on divorce, custody, adoption, estate planning, and more. We also take cases in criminal law, personal injury law, and real estate law. If you are getting a divorce and looking for help to navigate all the complexities that come with it, working with our Ogden, UT lawyers can help. Fill out our contact form and one of our lawyers will reach out to you.