In our previous blog, The Top 5 Reasons For Divorce, we discussed just that. Said top 5 reasons for divorce are infidelity, irreconcilable differences, financial issues, lack of communication, and lack of commitment. However, it can be difficult for people to know whether or not they should try to move past something or whether enough is enough and they should get a divorce.
Ultimately, whether or not you decide to get a divorce is up to you. Every couple is different. While for some, cheating is immediate cause for ending a relationship, for others, they’re able to move past infidelity. If you want to try to save your marriage, you may try couples counseling or something else to understand each other better and reignite the spark.
However, sometimes, enough is enough. If you do decide to get a divorce, it’s important to ensure that you hire an experienced divorce attorney who ensures a fair settlement.
Signs You May Want To Get A Divorce
If you’re considering whether to get a divorce, it’s up to you whether or not to put in the effort to try to save the relationship. However, if you’ve had conversations with your spouse about your concerns, made efforts to reignite the spark, and the like, and it’s still not working, it may be time to get in contact with a divorce attorney.
Here are some signs you may want to get a divorce. If your marriage involves abuse of any sort – sexual, physical, emotional, financial, etc – it’s important to seek help.
#1. You’re Falling Victim To The Sunk Cost Fallacy
The sunk cost fallacy is the tendency to continue something you’ve invested time, money, and/or effort into, even if the costs outweigh the benefits. You’re “sinking” more time, money, and/or effort into something because you’ve already “sunk” so much into it, rather than focusing on future costs and benefits and how this is hurting your current and future self.
This is applicable to many areas of life, from sitting through a movie you hate because you bought the tickets to staying in a relationship long past when it should have ended.
Many people stay in relationships because the relationship has already lasted X amount of time. They don’t want that time to be “a waste”. People are more likely to stay in relationships that have lasted a fair amount of time and that they’ve put effort into. They want to get their money’s worth, so to speak.
However, investing more time and effort won’t resolve issues that you have over and over and over. If you find yourself constantly fighting about the same things and complaining about the same things, this indicates an unwillingness to change – and a relationship that likely is not worth further time or effort.
#2. You Don’t Even Like Your Spouse – Or Who You Are With Them
If you don’t even like your spouse, this is likely a sign that you should get a divorce. Every relationship has its ups and downs, and there are bound to be times where you’re annoyed by your spouse and you have your fights. However, if you genuinely do not even like them anymore, they aren’t fulfilling your needs, and this lasts for longer than a short period of time… It’s probably time to get a divorce.
On the same page as this, perhaps you no longer like who you are when you’re with your spouse. You feel like your spouse brings out the worst in you and like you’re your best self when they’re not around. Your spouse should make you feel comfortable to be completely yourself and push you to be the best version of yourself. However, if you don’t like them and/or you don’t like yourself with them, you may want to get a divorce.
#3. You’re Doing All The Sacrificing
Relationships are a matter of give and take. Sacrifice is a normal part of any relationship and part of how you show your love and commitment. Relationships are seldom equal all the time, as if one of you is going through something challenging, you’ll need more support than normal then. Making sacrifices and compromises are part of any relationship – however, if you’re the one making all the sacrifices and compromising on the things you want and like, this creates a power imbalance.
It’s one thing to agree to see a movie you’re not that interested in because you know your spouse really wants to. It’s another to constantly give up the things you want without anything in return. This is especially true when it comes to big sacrifices, like moving somewhere you don’t want to because your spouse did.
Little sacrifices, like what show you watch together, can become a common occurrence, so that you two are always doing what your spouse prefers and never what you want. If you put your foot down and insist on doing something you want for once and your spouse complains the entire time, this makes the unhappiness and resentment even worse.
As with all of these signs, talk to your spouse about the issue. They may not even be aware that it’s happening and assume that you two are far more similar than you actually are. However, if it’s a consistent problem that never changes, this could be a sign that you should get a divorce.
#4. You Cannot Trust Them
When people talk about trust in relationships, they’re usually referring to whether you can trust them not to cheat on you. This is important, but there’s more to trust than this. You should be able to trust them to be there for you when they say they will, to do the things they say they will, to have your back, to tell you the truth, and so on and so forth.
If you cannot trust your partner, this quickly breeds resentment. You shouldn’t have to question whether or not they’ll actually do what they said they would or whether they are lying or cheating on you. Trust is an essential component of marriage, and if yours doesn’t have it no matter how you’ve tried to rebuild it, it may be time to get a divorce.
#5. You No Longer Care To Put In Effort
Love is something that takes work. In order to get through the periods where your spouse is frustrating you, it takes work. It takes work to sort out issues and to ensure that you are both meeting each other’s needs.
However, if you no longer care to do this or trying to takes way too much effort, you may consider whether it’s time to get a divorce. If you’re too worn down to ask for what you need, you don’t particularly care to ask about your spouse’s day or make an effort to do something together, and the like, these are all signs that the fire has died.
#6. You’ve Grown Apart
Did your spouse used to be the first person you’d want to talk about things with, but now, you would rather talk to someone else? Do you not want to share your interests or about your day anymore, or ask them about theirs?
Everyone changes. Perhaps you and your spouse were perfect for each other when you got married, but now, you’re two entirely different people and you’d be better off if you get a divorce.
#7. You Don’t Agree On Major Values
You should talk about things like politics, religion, whether or not you want kids, financial situations and habits, and other such major factors prior to getting married, but many couples don’t.
While some people can agree to disagree, when it comes to major factors like this, they can end marriages – or cause one spouse to have to compromise on their values to make it work, making said spouse deeply unhappy. For instance, if your spouse really wants kids but you’ve never wanted them, there’s no way to resolve that in a way that makes you both happy. You’d both be better off divorcing and finding someone else who shares your values.
Additional Considerations For Getting A Divorce
The above are all examples of factors that may lead to the end of a relationship, regardless of whether or not you are married. When it comes to divorce, it’s important to know if there are any legally relevant grounds for divorce in your relationship. While Utah is a no-fault state, which means that you don’t have to prove that one spouse is at fault for the marriage falling apart, some of these legally relevant grounds include:
- Willful desertion for more than one year
- Willful neglect
- Habitual drunkenness
- Conviction for a felony
- Cruel treatment, such as bodily injury or significant mental distress
- Incurable insanity
- Living separately for 3+ years without cohabitation
- And more
Your divorce attorney will go over the factors involved in your divorce in order to ensure that you get the decision you deserve. The sooner you consult with an attorney, the better, as they will be able to assist you with factors like financial planning, strategic planning, child custody, trial, and more.
Do You Want To Get A Divorce In The State Of Utah?
Kaufman, Nichols, & Kaufman is here to represent you in your divorce. Whether you are dealing with a contested divorce, an uncontested divorce, a no-fault divorce, a complex divorce, an annulment, or other such issues, our experienced attorneys help our clients get the decision they deserve. We take pride in making the divorce process as smooth as possible for our clients. Contact us today to schedule a consultation.